


Dirty, Disgusting Danny

by katsopolis



Category: Full House (US)
Genre: Coping, Death, Depression, F/M, Gen, OCD, thoughts, widower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsopolis/pseuds/katsopolis
Summary: Since the death of Pam, Danny Tanner hasn't been the same. He copes with his lack of control by taking control in the only way he knows how. T for language.





	

Maybe it was because he was depressed all the damn time.

If he said the smell of Lysol didn't get him a little high, he would be lying. And if he said that high didn't get him a little distracted, that would be another lie. And even though Danny Tanner is not a liar, these are not things he tells his family. With every abrasive scrub of his wire sponge against the grime-stricken pan (which was at the mercy of Joey; Danny knew how to cook, thank you very much) he felt the world around him stand still, and for every moment he spent cleaning, he wasn't in the hands of the past. Every controlled splash of bleach on the dirt-assaulted bathtub (which was more likely Comet's fault than Joey's) he imagined dousing his wife's killer in gasoline.

Okay, too far, too far. He's sorry for thinking that. Sometimes Danny has dirty thoughts.

And then he has to clean. Clean clean clean until those dirty thoughts drowned in the bubbles of dish soap in his tidy kitchen sink.

Because his dirty thoughts are filthy. Sometimes he thought of fucking Pam – too far, too far, sorry – and while he can’t deny that he’s a human with human needs – hell, they had three children together – he still felt disgraceful for thinking about his dead wife that way. He thought she was beautiful when she was alive, and she was his wife after all; if anything he’s just being faithful, right? But he still can’t help but feel disgusting when his memories of their love-making gets him hard. Oh god, too much, too much, he’s sorry, he swears. So he cleans again.

He takes pride in his pristine house. He never fails to get compliments on the neatness of his nest, but his guests also never fail to leave the place messier than they'd found it. So he cleans again.

And sometimes when he cleans, he remembers what he's actually trying to clean: his mind.

Pam had always been grateful that she had a hardworking husband who never hesitated to help out. Danny had done his chores but had never held such value in his work at home, until Pam passed away.

Another thing he hated about the past is that he had no control over what had happened. Pam was killed by a drunk driver. Nobody had stopped that person from getting behind the wheel. Nobody had been able to tell that the car was going to T-bone their own. Nobody had been able to revive her after she died upon impact. Nobody had known that Danny hated himself for that, except for Danny and all his cleaning supplies.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. This is my first fic in a while, and my first non-smut fic.


End file.
